Sex with bf.

Hey I've been transitioning for 7 years now hormonally, around 10 years socially. I've been with my current bf 6+ years and there are issues with sex. Now to be clear the issues are with me. I'm heavily botom dysphoric to the point that I cannot use my tail(front bits), (if this terms annoys you, get fucked, it's my body I get to call it). I've tried sooo many times receiving oral and manual sex, in so many different ways, and although I found ways that make me much less dysphoric, but I'm still soo dysphoric about it. There's about 80/20 chance I'll start crying during or after and feel bad for next 2/3 days. Sometimes we still try it but it's hazardous. Also I've never been able to orgasm from it, no matter whether it was him or someone before him. On my own, with some effort I can orgasm from masturbating with my tail or using vibrator but with him or someone else I can get so so close but never ever orgasm.

So only option to have sex is me taking care of him, or he doing oral manual or penetration on my back bits. It makes me feel like our options are sooo cut down... It requires preparation(it's already really hard when we're both tired after work, different work schedules, not much time together before or after work), spontaneity is almost impossible, he doesn't have much of a way to tease me, or do quicky or skip penetration and do other things etc.

After much time I'm slowly applying for SRS in different country out of pocket(my country doesn't cover it whatsoever), despite holding off for so long, having so many doubts, grief, uncertainty and fears.

So how does it look for other girls? I've been living together with my bf almost from the start. Any of your experiences, advice, insights ect. are welcome unless they're mean, rude and catty.