Why do I do this to myself

This year is the first time my gambling became a problem - a fairly big one too.

Successive losses online (I’m on Gamstop so it’s unlicensed casinos), in Vegas for work and at another couple of casinos has left me in a hole.

I ended up having to take out two loans (just shy of £10k) and pledged that I’d stop in April. I reckon I was about £13k down at this point.

I was doing well until I jumped back online in September- £2k down the drain - but then stopped and got myself together.

It wasn’t until last night, I was bored and watching gambling reels that I ended up punting a bit of money to the online game again.

Ran £509 to £4.5k then proceeded to lose it all plus another £1,500.

This one hurt.

This is money I can’t really afford to lose and now I’m going to be scraping by until my next paycheque.

I don’t know why I still think I can “win”. I always go up in every session then proceed to get annihilated. I feel so stupid, I’ve been working to pay back the loans early and now I’ve messed it up.

I need some advice, how can I stop myself from using these shitty online venues that aren’t licensed.