Mixed sex life with bf.

Hi everyone,

Me (23F) and my boyfriend (23M) have gotten physically intimate over the past few weeks. We kissed often in public. The furthest we have gone sexually is I gave him a blowjob. However, whenever I express a desire to be more intimate (especially when I suggest having sex) he immediately pulls away and because of ‘religious reasons’.

This has been confusing and emotionally draining for me. Because technically all the things we’ve done already is against ‘our’ religious and cultural background. We are from a small Muslim minority in Russia. We also both come from conservative families, so I lowkey understand his issue. But also I feel like the boundaries are inconsistent. And I’m the only one carrying the emotional weight of that inconsistency. When I open up about this he says he doesnt force me to do the things.

He lives with his brother and he can empty his house if he wants. But when I ask to spend time there, he turns it down. I live with my mother and sister, so lt’s more difficult for me, but it’s still possible if planned. Still, I’m not even sure what would happen if I invited him. Are we really going to do the things we already do in empty classes? We kiss and I suck his dick?

I’m honestly tired. I dont want to force anything on him, especially if he’s struggling on the inside, but I also dont want to be in this weird energy where my needs dont matter. But I’m not sure how to express my needs without making him feel attacked or overwhelmed.

We are definetly not in love. But there’s a strong attraction between us. I like him very much and I know he finds me attractive and likes me too. Everybody points out how good we look together. However I dont think we will be in our lives even 1 year later. We are graduating in a semester. I want to move to Europe soon. He demotivates me whenever I open this topic so I stopped. If it was some other time, I would just end tge relationship and move on. However he is pretty much the only person I ever talk to in the class and he is very social. Im very introvert. I know if I end things he will talk bad about me behind my back, probably call me a whore, and make everyone think very lowly of me. Im very stuck and I do not know what to do.