Fence sitter who lost loml

I’m just venting because I really want to text him.

I wasn’t always a fence sitter, I thought of having kids with my first ex but he made some choices and it was obvious it wasn’t going to happen with him so I never thought about it.

Fast forward I met this amazing guy, I felt he was too good to be true but at that point I was leaning towards child free. He tried leaving but I explained that I was on the fence and he made me think about it more.

Truth is, people are on the fence all the time and change their minds. I thought he was worth fighting for and I guess I didn’t communicate it well.

I believe he bottled it up until he couldn’t. He didn’t feel secure with me and no matter how many times I expressed I wanted a life with him, he felt like he couldn’t believe me.

It’s been almost a week since he left me and I keep trying to find a reason to text him.

We both loved each other or at least that’s what I think.

I really really want to text him.

Has anyone been through this?