don't know how to title this

i'm a teenage trans guy. pre everything, obviously, and all i've got going for me is the fact that my (cis) boyfriend bites like a bitch when people misgender me.

i enjoy presenting feminine. the concept of it, at least. if i was cis i would probably dress exclusively fem. but i'm not cis, so when i dress fem, i'm just viewed as a girl dressing like a girl rather than a boy dressing like a girl, which is what i actually am. or consider myself to be.

i had an ex-friend say i'll "never really find myself if i continue dressing in girl's clothes and saying i'm a boy" and it pisses me off to no end because how come cis gay dudes can dress feminine and not be any less of a man, but when i do it, suddenly i'll never be a man?? they also said i'll end up a woman for the rest of my miserable existence and honestly i wouldn't really doubt it at this rate lmao.

nobody irl actually sees me as a man other than my boyfriend and a few of my teachers and i literally don't know how much longer i can take this because i've done everything i can to pass and i'm still just a pathetic girl to everybody that meets me. either that or i get hit with the "are you a girl or a boy" question every time i meet someone new and i don't have the fucking balls to just say i'm a man because i hate myself and i hardly view myself as one in the first place

is this a skill issue? am i cooked?