I (28F) think I might be outgrowing my fiancé (31M) and I don’t know how to handle it?

I met my fiancé when I was 22 and fell for him incredibly fast. Before him, I had never been able to trust a man emotionally or physically. I grew up in a very unstable home and struggled financially, so when he came into my life, charismatic, funny, attentive, and safe, it felt like everything finally softened. For the first time, I felt taken care of and like I didn’t have to constantly be in survival mode.

But almost six years later, I’m starting to realize I might be outgrowing him.

In the first year or two of our relationship, I dealt with him cheating and flirty texting with other women. He also used to go to strip clubs, and before we met I know he went home with dancers a few times. It made me incredibly insecure. I constantly compared myself, worried he’d leave me, and I ended up apologizing for things he did wrong. We had multiple big fights about it, “worked through it,” and eventually moved on… but looking back, I did most of the emotional labor while he hurt me over and over. It often felt like I had to drag apologies out of him.

Now we’re engaged, living together, and planning a wedding yet I’m not sure I’m happy. He still treats me like that insecure 22-year-old who needed him. But I’m not that person anymore. I’m finally stable, confident, and making great money, almost as much as him. And having my own stability has made me realize I can survive without him… maybe even thrive.

He used to be very active and disciplined, but in the past three years he’s stopped taking care of himself. I fell into that routine too for a while, but recently I’ve been changing, exercising, eating well, waking up early, doing well at work, and making new friends. Meanwhile, at home I feel like I’m the only adult. He comes home “tired,” plays video games all night, oversleeps, goes to work late, stays late to catch up, and repeats the cycle.

I thought he would continue to grow as we aged together (professionally, financially, personally) but he seems content coasting forever. He even jokes that he wants me to earn more so he can be a stay-at-home husband. I don’t know if he’s changed or if I just didn’t fully see him when we first got together.

Our routine is basically work, eat, drink, he games, sleep. We have sex maybe once a month, and I’m not really enjoying it anymore. I feel like my life is passing by.

I want vacations, new experiences, ambition, someone who’s growing with me.

I don’t know how to talk to him about any of this without him getting defensive. And honestly, I’ve never broken up with someone, he’s my first long-term partner. I feel guilty, too, because I know his last breakup before me devastated him and I worry how he’d cope.

I’m stuck between guilt and the fear of settling for a life that won’t make me happy.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you even start this conversation? How do you leave someone you’ve spent your entire adult life with, or talk to them about needing to grow up and meet you where you are?