What's the point?

36m here. But I dont feel it. Mentally I feel like I can close my eyes and immediately go back to a memory of being 30, 25, 15, etc. Like it all feels so recent. Like I went to bed and woke up this age. Days seem to fly by, almost like in the Adam Sandler movie Click, where I'm there, but not actively participating. As soon as I start a task, it's done, and before I know it, the day is over. Even playing with my kids is hard, like, if I let go will I suddenly be 60? Or dead? My doctor had me start on buspar back in October, I was on 2.5mg twice a day, and then went up to 5mg. But went back down because I thought it was making things worse.

I dont know how to live in the moment anymore, because before I can even realize it, the moment is gone.