5 days today. Just wanted to share some of the destructive habits I used to have and am so glad to be rid of

5 days today after drinking 10+ years excessively on and off. I've gone months before at a time but they were always temporary in my head and eventually I got back on it. This time I know it has to be the last time for real.

Some of the things I used to do to keep up the cycle were insane. Every day I'd say to myself "today is the last time I drink then tomorrow I'm stopping" and every day I'd buy way more beer than even I could drink in one night ("its just financially savvy!") and keep the van fridge on which is where I hid my beer - why would I keep the fridge on and beer cold if I'd not be drinking again after that night?

I'd amass a huge number of empties in the van and either drive them to a bottle bank or wait until recycling day and decant them into the recycling bin after my partner went to work, assuming they'd even fit in there. I'd wait until she went to bed and spend hours "gaming" downstairs which was really just drinking - of course I'd only have one or two cans out at once in case she came down and I needed to hide them.

When I ran out I'd find an excuse to drive to the shops: "oh I noticed we're nearly out of toilet roll" to buy more beer, or if I couldn't find a good excuse I'd go for a walk or a cycle and pick them up that way. I knew all the closing times of the local shops, the best deals on my particular favourite brands, etc.

I never drank during the day but as soon as she went to bed that was it, most nights.

I'm so glad to be shot of all that and I don't see how I could ever go back. I'm keenly aware I can never have "just one" anymore, last Sunday had to be my last. Forever. This week I've been taking it easy, I haven't been to the gym or gone running, started on my diet, or made much more of an effort at work like I eventually want to do, but that can start next week. This week was just about breaking the cycle and setting myself up for the future. 5 days is simultaneously not a lot, but also everything.

I know lots of you will see yourself in some of the behaviours above. I'm so pleased we're shot of them. And anyone who still struggles with these, I hope you can make it too.