I just found out I have genital herpes and I want to kill myself

I know this is probably a very common post. I will start this by saying I have looked at the other posts from people who feel the same way and unfortunately it just made things worse.

For the last 6 years I have experienced some pretty horrible things. I dated a man who repeatedly raped me, I ended up getting labia plasty to feel like I had part of myself back, I’m the most broke I’ve ever been and I just found out 3 days ago that I have a degenerative kidney disease. Yesterday was the herpes diagnosis.

It’s likely that this was dormant in my system for years and the stress of the kidney issues brought it to the surface.

Even before everything happened I’ve never really been happy for long periods of time. The one thing I really crave is true intimacy and love (don’t we all lol) and now it’s harder than ever.

I know people get married and find love with herpes but I just feel like I don’t have it in me to keep going anymore. Let alone end up on dialysis trying to work through the trauma of being deeply betrayed by someone I loved so much.

The only thing stoping me is the pain I’m going to feel. I’ve heard stories of people not dying and ending up paralyzed for life and I want to avoid that.

I feel like rot is spilling out of me constantly and everyday it gets worse.