I need advice or someone’s insight on what I’m experiencing.

For context, earlier last year I was diagnosed with anxiety (general anxiety disorder I believe), and this year I was having intense mood swings and all sorts of new emotions I wasn’t necessarily in touch with; I was sent to a psychologist years ago because I don’t know how to express and regulate my emotions, as I mainly only felt anger and happiness. So the new emotions I was experiencing was something I brought up to my psychiatrist and he started me on treatment for adhd and depression because I was having problems regarding my motivation and aspiration for anything. I didn’t want to do anything or even exist so it was a deep hole I went into. but now I’m on treatment for adhd and bipolar disorder (type 2). Once I started treatment for bipolar disorder I completely flipped. I started having tasks, a schedule, productivity, and feelings of emptiness completely disappeared. I was doing multiple things around the house and explored hobbies every day, always having something to do and being extremely productive at most points of the day. But now something has flipped, like a switch. This is my journal entry from today and what I need help with. I don’t know if it’s just me or something regarding my disorders, but I need help because I don’t want a depressive episode to form.

November 28th 2025 9:18am In yesterday’s entry I mentioned feeling like I was going to reach another low because I started having anxiety when waking up and my appetite is diminishing again. But today marks the second (or third) day where I feel numb. Second day off of my adhd medication because I want to see if that’s the root to my appetite problems, but I lose interest in doing anything, even expressing myself. I want to feel emotions, but I don’t want to reach a low point again. I desire to cry, and to feel something deeply emotional, but nothing comes out. I try not to make up situations because that sends me spiraling, but even then I can’t seem to form anything with the help of music. Listening to sad music, setting a melancholic mood, and thinking of my life and venturing my thoughts isn’t working either. I feel like someone who is faking mental illness. Like how I would describe myself back in quarantine, where I desperately wanted attention and would force myself to look upset. Or like I want to have trauma for some unknown reason, but no matter how hard I try I can’t even seem to form anything. I can’t feel anything, think anything, desire anything. It’s all just emptiness and as if I’m frozen in time. I feel like everyone is just living around me and progressing mentally and I’m just here existing. I don’t have anything else to clean, I don’t have any projects I desire to do, I don’t have any hobbies to pursue, so what am I supposed to do. I have nothing, no purpose. Along with my appetite and emotions diminishing, I also don’t feel the need to express myself with my appearance, something I started loving, and now suddenly it’s the least of my worries. I don’t feel like practicing my beliefs benefits me either. I just don’t want anything. I can’t seem to care about anything I was starting to become passionate about. Nothing intrigues me. Nothing makes me want to get up and work. I don’t want to do anything, not out of laziness or sadness, but because nothing peaks my interest. No thoughts pass about something I should do, something I should fix, or something I should start. It’s an odd feeling but I don’t know what exactly it is, do I even care about any of the stuff I was doing- feeling? Was it mania and now I’m back to my old self, or was I stable and now reaching a low?