I hate how I look in a bathing suit

Okay, this is going to sound dumb, but I can’t stop obsessing over how I look in a bathing suit. Every time I catch my reflection, all I can think is, God, I look like a fat woman in a bathing suit and I want to puke. I HATEEEEE that! That's even a bad thing in my head, it's like my own body doesn't even belong to me. Ughhhh. What’s weird is I’ve been doing this thing where I scroll online stores just to torture myself. Don't even ask me why. The other night I ended up on Alibaba looking at bathing suits, not even to buy, just to look and I saw all these pretty models, even plus size ones, and instead of feeling inspired that they accepted their body enough to do that, I felt worse. I felt disgusted. I know this sounds dramatic but it’s like no matter what I do, my brain won’t let me be okay with my body. If I lose a bit of weight, I still feel huge. If I try to wear something cute, I feel like I’m a liar and a pretender. I keep wondering why I care so much, why I just hate my body so much. I know people as much as I think they do but it doesn't matter. Damnnnn! Does anyone else feel like this? Like you want to stop hating yourself but don’t even know what that would look like?