Am I Overreacting - Unsure If I Am Willing To Save The Marriage

Okay so this is going to be a decently long post. In which I try to be the most honest with the situation and myself.

Me and my wife have been married for just over a year. Only together for a year and a half. I have two children in a previous relationship who we co parent extremely well and I have residential custody of both my boys.

My wife is a diagnosed Bipolar 1. And up until a few months ago, I saw no signs of this being an issue. No signs of it at all to be honest. We had a very fruitful. And happy marriage thus far. But when things got bad. It got bad quickly. And VERY bad.

She stopped taking birth control so we could try to have a baby. And that is when we started to go downhill.

We are very much aware that stopping birth control can create such mood swings but to the degree and justification for everything that has happened I do not know.

She progressively got unhappy with our marriage. And kept telling me how unhappy she was. And started calling me a dictator for small stupid things. Like not going on another vacation right now. We spent 50k last year on travel and have a Cayman Islands trip coming up in February. Regardless I became the dictator. I became the person who was stopping her dreams. (So she said) And it just got worse and worse.

Until one day she said she wanted out. At this point I feel like I have been patient. But was tired. So I didn’t fight back I just said okay. We can split up.

She literally ran across the house. Grabbing her phone to video tape and came directly up to my face and said “I want out and I’m going to play dirty”

My son was standing there and I just calmly kept saying not in front of my kids. Not in front of my kids. But she didn’t stop and I asked her if we could leave and she was blocking doors so we couldn’t leave. So I called the police to get an escort to leave. Not to get her in trouble but because the situation was out of hand. And my kids were standing there crying. And I said we were in a verbal argument and I needed an escort to leave safe with the kids.

While I was on the phone with them she yelled HES HITTING ME HES HITTING ME. (I was 10 feet away) on the phone with 911 still. And they didn’t believe her but it was still dangerous and a key aspect to this entire thing.

Anyways the police came. Me and the kids left. No one got in trouble. And after that experience I was convinced I was never going back. Not in front of the kids. And the willingness to be so dangerous to me and hurt me through that.

She begged for forgiveness. And I chalked it up to anger and a lapse of judgement and she lost control.

So I completely forgave her. And we carried on as normal however she still struggled and was unhappy.

One morning I was on the phone with my friend and we were talking. She said she had to leave can I get off the phone. Such a minor encounter but I said we were talking about something inportant and I said goodbye and I love her. But she said I must be gay if I’m choosing my friend over her and she stormed out. I didn’t rebuttal I just walked away. She texted me the rest of the day saying she wasn’t coming home. And if I wanted to spend more time with my friends then her she wouldn’t come back. And she didn’t. She kept texting me how she was gonna be happier and have more fun without me and I shouldn’t be upset when she does. She spent all week drinking gambling and smoking and coming home at 2am (I do none of those things)

Granted this was like ONE time I choose something over her. Me and my kids did everything to pursue this woman and put this woman first. It was such a minor experience that she made a complete war.

But anyways. It kept escalating and escalating. She didn’t come home she stayed out. She kept texting me that she didn’t want to be “stuck” being unhappy. And again. Me. Being tired after 24 hours of fighting I said okay. She doesn’t have to be stuck.

From this point on she got nasty. She threatened lawyers. She made me take her off a lease we had coming up to move. She was texting my children’s mom and my father bad things about me trying to ruin our relationships. She threatened my business. She took half of my cash (physical) which I had before marriage. And used it against me. She threatened to freeze our bank account. She used anything and everything and any secret she knew about me against me. She got physical with me and even held my work laptop hostage when I just wanted to leave. She threw all my things into the garage and said if I left the rest of the things were going in the yard. She called her mother and her mother screamed at me that this divorce was gonna be hard long and expensive.

And during the middle of all this it got so bad me and my children’s mother decided the kids wouldn’t come back here until I figured out the situation. I got her off the lease and have 2 weeks until I have a safe home again. And after she got physical I left and went to my dads and haven’t been back. I secured half our bank into another bank account.

But anyways. For the first week or so of this I begged for civilness. That neither of us had to get hurt through this and can walk away just fine if we are civil. But she kept saying she has nothing to lose so she’s gonna fight.

Well we ended up moving towards a dissolution. But even then it was mostly decided by her. Even over small petty things if I didn’t do it she threatened court. And I was just sooooo anxious of this entire situation literally PTSD from it and I just wanted away so I was hopefully trying to get through it with a dissolution. And during this whole process she blamed me entirely. Focused only on my reaction to the mess she caused but never the mess she caused. She kept telling me how she was gonna live her dreams and travel for 6 months and we both completely separated. Physically and money wise. The kids never went back. I never went back. We both made plans to move on

Until the morning of signing papers. She just says she didn’t want this. And saying she won’t sign. And now for a week straight telling me she’s willing to work on herself. And blames the birth control. And says our marriage is the best thing that’s happened to her and she can’t lose it. And I’m her best friend. And basically begging for a second chance almost 24/7

This is very confusing. And makes me feel extremely guilty. And also hard to let go of because I truly was never unhappy in this marriage

We had a good partnership and good plans.

But in the end. She was willing to use anything and everything against me and it was extremely scary. And next time we would only be more invested. Perhaps with a child.

And I’m stuck because maybe she is trying to change? But I’m also not willing to risk going through that again. Or letting her in to a place she could use even my home against me where I had to remove my kids. And my money. And my business. And my relationships.

Whatever happens from here I know it won’t be the same either way. But I do feel guilty because she’s making me feel like I abandon her. Even telling me if we do divorce it was my choice not hers now

But I didn’t choose any of this. Nor did I want it. My back was against the wall and I have children and I was forced.

But now she is getting genuine help. Or she says that at least. But even still. Idk what’s real. And idk if I even want to continue with this marriage.