feel so ugly my bf deserves better

lately i have been on a horrible streak of feeling so so awful about myself. normally the feeling is quiet in my head throughout my life but lately it feels like it’s screaming out.

i have large pores and holes/scars on my nose from a lifetime of dealing with blackheads. my nose is already on the bigger side so i feel so extremely insecure about them. when i asked my dermatologist she said that there’s nothing they could do about them. knowing ill live like this kills me. i dont want people to look to close to me o avoid eye contact a lot. in addition i do have discoloration on my face due to past acne. i wish i had a naturally beautiful face. one where i dont have to hide behind makeup. even with makeup i still see the holes and the bumps.

i have a loving and amazing boyfriend that makes me feel beautiful despite what i may think of myself but lately i don’t even want him to look at my face. i feel so ugly too ugly to be with him. he deserves the world.

idk if i even make sense, im just all over the place lately. i’ve been so insanely sad.