Feeling really stuck and anxious about the direction my life is going

28F. TLDR; grew up in a broken and physically/emotionally abusive home. Ended up in foster care and moving out on my own permanently at 19. NC with mom, limited with dad but he is trying.

I never could swing going to college financially, but the dream was to get into tech or engineering.

I managed to scrape enough savings together and completed 2 out of 4 years of trade school to become an electrician with high 80’s average.

At 20, I got rear ended at a red light when I was 20 working full time while going to school and my shoulder is permanently messed up.

In 2024, my friend lost control of the car and we hit a tree. I ended up with a concussion and it tweaked my hip as well as aggravated my other injuries. I’ve been off work since.

I worked a series of dead end jobs (grocery store, call centre, labourer) but had some good ones too (manager, book keeper, and 911 operator). I’ve just taken whatever job and stuck it out for a year minimum even if I absolutely hated it. I live in a HCOL area and my rent was $1500/mo.

I found the love of my life as all of the more stressful parts of my 20’s were starting to ease off and we’ve been together for 4.5 years. I can’t help but feel that I’m damaged goods and that I would be a horrible parent (he wants kids). We are living with his parents and between the two of us, paying 80% of their rent.

Having lived by myself for half my 20’s with zero help I find myself missing that independence of having my own space. However his parents would not be able to sustain their place on their own. Or at least would be very tight down to the wire. We don’t want to leave his mom in a lurch because the dad is extremely verbally abusive and has been physical in the past. She is paying for the other 20% of the rent and utilities.

I really want to start our lives together, buy our own place, potentially have kids in 5-10yrs, but being off work and somewhat disabled for 2 years really throws a wrench in that. My injuries are unique in that I can’t actually sustain sitting down for 8 hours straight a computer anymore, but I can do labour as weird as that sounds.

Without going into too many numbers, I have 2 years of school to go (3 mo each year and about $2k in tuition/books) before I’m certified in my trade. I have zero CC debt or student loans, car paid in cash, and because I worked like an absolute dog up till that accident, I have low-6 figures saved for emergencies/future house.

I am very grateful for my partner for supporting me emotionally, his mom for letting me live with them, and for achieving all I have despite every barrier thrown at me. But I’m just so restless and feel so low about myself all the time.