actually attempting no contact

i kept habitually texting my ex once or twice a month. she was always unkind when i messaged. recently, maybe first week of november i texted and she was very short with me. i keep hoping i’ll text and the her i loved will re-appear. a her that did not cheat, did not leave, the her that was building a life with me. that all of what happened was maybe a secret evil twin or something. but that’s not real life. 4 years down the drain. i don’t know why i hold or held so much love for her. i wrote a “final letter” after having written maybe a few dozen letters since the break up. the final letter will most likely never be sent, unless i move out of state. but for now, that’s it. i’m done. i’ve deleted the few social medias that i had that she was also on, so i stop checking in on her. i have to focus on my life now. it feels like i’m back to square one; no romantic love, healing from heartbreaks. the people that want me only want my body. so it’s time to focus in and become the me i have wanted to be, and build a life where i’m happy because of myself, not because of anyone else.