update on my post about trying to forget my most recent relationship

so yeah, i just talked with one of my friends, one that is currently close to her too. and yeah, she pretty much confirmed me that she recently started a new relationship with a guy that she apparently loves so much.

as i said in my other post, she broke up with me six months ago, and she had these 2 "talking stages", one of which later turned out to be the new love of her life.

so much time has passed since we broke up and the last time we talked was around a month ago. despite it all, i'm still hurt. i still get mad when i know that everything ended for the better just on her side, and that despite i want to scream to myself that i don't need her in my life to live the way i want, i still crave her. i still feel the need to reach to her, to say to her that i'm still a bum and that i'll get better and fight for ourselves, but that can't be done anymore.

it hurts when it's nights like these when it's 4 in the morning, i can't sleep and have no one to talk to

everything still hurts a lot because i really tried to fix myself and to fix ourselves to be happy togheter. i was always a bit chronically sad and sometimes i was really clingy with her 'cause everything sucked around me and i always felt reassurance in her arms, and just now i realize the heavy burden I've been with her.

it still hurts that we'll never have sex and that she's not going to be my first time. and that i'll never be hers, it's going to be him. It hurts to know that she'll get the charming, beautiful, tall and mentally stable guy she deserves, one to build a truly long relationship that isn't going to be me. it hurts to know that it's the best for me to stay alone because i don't want to hurt myself again or other girls with other relationships

i still don't know what to do with myself. yes, i have university, i do need to study pretty hard, but i still haven't set any real objective for myself. i left the gym, i left my passion for music, for gaming and everything that made me happy, but now that the only person that truly made me feel special and radiant is truly gone and is making another guy the happiest man of her life, i truly feel gone inside and in need to change. to start my life again

i want to let go i want to let go everything that i fucked up and not remember a single thing about what we were and what we could've been if i only knew that loving someone didn't mean to drain one person until the end. i want to be free knowing that she is getting love from the hands of what to me seems a truly better man than i am

i want to be the good love some other person deserves and i want to really feel loved by myself again and the next friends i'll welcome in my life

but where do i start?