I don't think I can get out of it.

I've never really posted on Reddit before, but I struggle with severe social anxiety. I am not diagnosed; I have been too scared even to get any help. I've only come to terms with this recently; all my life, I thought I was simply shy. I never knew I would fall this deeply. I find social interaction challenging, and I no longer enjoy it as much as I used to. I saw old videos I used to film on my LeapPad Ultra, and it was like a completely different person; it was so far removed from who I am now. Even speaking to family members has got me feeling anxious, and I know it shouldn't, but I feel like a disappointment. I am 19 years old, and I have never had a job. I could never land an interview because I get nervous and stutter even on the phone. I never had any friends in high school because I took online school during the first year due to COVID, and I never got accustomed to the new environment when I went back to in-person school. Everyone had someone, so I kept to myself. This affected me throughout my entire life. I am in my second year of college and still have no friends. My life consists of doing schoolwork, playing mobile video games, and then sleeping. I know I have it better than most people; I can focus on school work without worrying about managing time with a job. But I don't want to stay like this forever. I want friends, even if I'll never be seen as a best friend, even if we're just class friends. I want a job, but I can't land an interview because of my social anxiety... I close up even when I'm prepared, even when I spend an entire week preparing for one day, I feel like I will never be ready. Every year, I feel like I'm changing, like I'm starting a new chapter, as I'll finally get out of this whole I dug myself into, but I fall right back into this pit, and I wonder if I'm stuck here forever.