I'm struggling

Unfortunately enough for me, I hold on tight even if things aren't good, I think of all the good times and scroll through pictures and tell myself it will get better as our relationship has been full of ups and downs but this time i am at a loss. It is almost like self torture especially since we have kids I can't go no contact. He has stated that he doesn't see us working out right now and that maybe in the future it will, but I hold on to that as some glimmer of hope that we will be a whole family again and it eats at me. I want someone to fight for me like I fight for them. I don't want anyone else to know what loving you feels like and I know I was never perfect but at the end of the day I will always fight tooth and nail for something that I know could/would work. Effort and patience goes a long way.