Look at my profile. What do you believe?

I was considered the smartest girl in my grade in middle school. I remember that the upperclassmen when we got to high school seemed to feel that my grade was very toxic. The only time I received compliments in middle school (according to my former best friend) in spite of the fact that the majority of the grade disliked me was when I straightened my hair/wore it wavy. I received a lot of compliments directly, more than I ever have before, when I got box braids nearly two months ago (which i had taken down Friday, look on my profile for the pics) but didn’t receive any in middle school when my mother did them for me, even though I actually don’t think she had done a bad job. I was apparently caked I had given the middle school graduation speech, and received applause. I have been approached more often in general in adulthood than I was in high school (in high school, I actually tended to be approached by adult men even though I was considered to look young, which I always thought was a bit weird.) I remember a peer had suggested that everyone in middle school seemed very toxic “for no reason.” I remember that in school, my own interests changed a lot over the years. I liked a Filipino boy in 4th grade - he was a sweetheart but I’ve never been into any Asian boys or men romantically since, just never happened. Liked a ½ white ½ Asian boy (though he didn’t really look mixed with Asian) from 6th-7th grade. I liked an Asian girl who had been bullied in elementary school in 7th grade. I was very attracted to my white presenting “friend” who was actually not a nice person, around 7th-8th grade. I liked a ½ black ½ white boy in 9th, a black man in 10th and a white girl in 11th. The only one I am attracted to as an adult is the black man from 10th (and he was and still is conventionally attractive, three years older than me.) The others I am really not attracted to at all now. One or two of them is subjectively a little below average physically to me now. according to my former best friend I was called ugly by the majority of the grade behind my back (“everybody said that” was what she had said in 12th in a conversation with another girl) in middle school. This continued into 9th grade (my 9th-10th grade crush who was a little above average and lost it by 11th called me a 5/10 and then 4/10, a girl I’d attended middle school with shouted I was ugly from the bleachers and would hold the ball from me in PE, etc.)

People who have supposedly crushed on me: my ex boyfriend (11th grade,) a white girl in 9th grade who said she had liked me in 9th grade when I had advanced English with her because she had thought I was “cool,” probably one of two men who stared at me, and a boy in kindergarten who kissed me hard and then walked away. People are obviously not always honest about it when they have feelings for someone, so there may have been one or two over the years who I missed.

I had very bad body dysmorphia in high school.

I have $44.7k saved right now (I spent some of my money on my new hairstyle, $500 because I had also paid for a takedown and the stylist had bought the hair for me which was apart of the charge.) I had attended all three of my schools (elementary-high school) in a seven percent black environment.

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