[F20] My boyfriend [M20] lied twice about intimate content and now I don’t know if I can trust him anymore

My boyfriend and I met around July last year. The chemistry was through the roof. We took things slow (we wanted to be sure about each other), dated for about three months, and he quickly became my best friend. This is my first relationship, while he has a long and complicated dating history, but everything felt right.

I adore him. Truly. But then I found out about two lies, and my trust snapped.

Two months ago, his ex (a childhood friend, not a messy ex) came to visit. Normally I’m not a jealous person at all—he could have female friends, follow his exes, whatever. I’ve always believed that if someone chooses to be with you, they choose you. He never gave me a reason to doubt him in this department.

But because of a previous unrelated lie, my trust was already shaky, and her visit put me on edge. For about three weeks I had this horrible gut feeling. I made a huge mistake and looked through his phone.

I didn’t check his messages or social media, just his hidden photos. I already knew what I did was a major privacy breach. There were screenshots of a girl he used to know (not his ex): • one taken about 4–5 months into our relationship • one 8 months in • one a few days before our one-year anniversary

All were suggestive/revealing, not actual explicit photos. I was devastated. He was cooped up in his room, working on a beautiful handmade gift for our anniversary, and took a screenshot of another girl??

When I confronted him, it was awful. He admitted he saved them because he thought she “looked good,” swore he never used them in any intimate way, and said he simply “forgot” about them. I had asked earlier that week if he had any intimate photos of other girls and he said no, which made it worse. He also admitted he once texted with her about possibly meeting, though they never did. They would text randomly every few months—mostly replies to Instagram stories.

We struggled for a month until I impulsively broke up with him. I missed him terribly, though, and we got back together. He opened up a lot, started therapy, and things genuinely felt better.

A month later, he asked me to open Reddit on his phone. The first thing on his feed was adult content. He freaked out, asking why it was there. I asked if I could look through his Reddit history and he agreed immediately.

His recently viewed subs were all adult-content pages.

We had discussed this before, and I made it clear that viewing that kind of content in a relationship makes me uncomfortable and would be a dealbreaker for me. He told me he watched it once during the month where we were both traveling apart, and I let that go. But to me, this clearly wasn’t just a “one-time” thing. It feels like he viewed it more than once.

He kept saying the posts I saw were “old,” but I don’t believe that anymore.

I feel grossed out that my boyfriend thought of other women, especially the girl whose photos he saved during our relationship.

I feel betrayed that he lied to me multiple times about something I made very clear was a boundary.

I feel confused, because he is also the most caring, attentive, loving person I’ve ever met. He never shuts me down when I confront him. He listens, apologizes, explains, takes responsibility. He started therapy. He genuinely seems ashamed and remorseful.

But still, I feel like the whole relationship is a lie.

I became someone I never was: jealous, anxious, hyper-vigilant. My self-esteem is shaken. Every time he texts a bit slower, I feel sick. It’s traumatic to feel betrayed by your safest person.

I love him deeply, and that makes all of this harder. When I think about leaving him, I break. But when I think about staying, I’m scared he’ll do something like this again years from now, when we’re married, when I’m pregnant, when I’m vulnerable.

I don’t tolerate lying or betrayal. He knows that. I’m upset with myself for going back on my word. And yet it happened twice. He insists he will never forgive himself for this. But guilt isn’t a guarantee it won’t happen again.

I need advice.