Anyone else get depressed at Christmas as a kid?

I'm not sure if this is the right sub. I was born in the late 70s so 80s as a kid was different.

I remember specifically st Christmas I would get depressed, legit I would tear up. Core memory is sitting in a restaurant with my family. Scared and sad that one day this happy moment wouldn't be anymore.

Christmas songs just seemed a bit sad and melancholy. I really dislike Karen carpenters "have yourself a merry Christmas"

I did not experience any loss during this period. I was loved as much as my family could. We weren't poor, but Christmas always had this underlying sadness that time went by fast.

I loved Charlie browns Christmas but it was there I learned about depression. Though I didn't fully get it until much later

Christmas now hits different this year. The family I was afraid of losing, well, a relative is near the end and we loved Christmas. It is so fucking hard, I'm crying as I write this. Holidays are harder as you get older, but I realized tonight there was this underlying sadness I that tingled. It took 40 years for it to get to this utter sadness.

Can anyone relate?