I wasted two years of my life on a transphobic cis man

it's been like 3 years and I've been trying to stop ever bringing him up irl now because the older I get the more humiliating it is. especially seeing memes and jokes in certain trans circles about cis men pretending to view trans men as valid in hopes they'll bottom for them and yeah I got got. If I'd never been willing to have sex like that I never would have fallen into that trap. I didn't know he was transphobic at first cuz he pretended to be affirming or whatever but when I learned that all the men he dated before me were trans and a majority of men he'd fucked I mean it was a red flag but I guess I was vulnerable or whatever. by the time we broke up he was getting in my face cuz I would say he was lying about his cheating (he cheated on me with cis women almost exclusively) he would fire back about how I was the real liar and I was lying about my gender and all sorts of transphobic bullshit. I have lasting scars from that relationship cuz I relapsed on self harm and overall I just feel like a stereotype and so stupid. I'd be able to move past it but we took in a dog while we were together and the day I left him I left the dog. I wasn't able to get back to get him before he got impounded and euthanized. he also killed my fish before that which should have again....

I just feel like a stereotype in more ways than one, being a dv survivor twice now—and this is a horrible thing to say—makes me feel like on top of everything that everyone just views me as a woman on some fundamental level. after his switch up I can no longer trust any cis people. my mom was my biggest supporter but she misgendered me out of the blue after 10 years on t at an art exhibition I was in. I still don't know why but it makes me think the rest of her family (who are trash) are in on it and they all misgender me behind my back. I can't prove that. but I don't know how to move forward romantically. everyone says t4t but idk I also dated a nonbianry person who was pretty transphobic so I don't really think I can trust anyone. I'm not looking for advice and am almost 30 btw. I wish the misogynistic cis men hadnt ruined the concept of involuntary celibacy cuz that's what this is in the strictest sense. ​I used to think phalloplasty would save me but I'll never be able to afford it and people would just view it as a frankendick anyway. there really is no way forward it seems. ​