How do I (M40) tell my wife (38F) that I read the memoir she wrote in which she calls another man the love of her life?

My wife and I have been together for a decade. We’ve got two kids, a steady home, and until recently, I thought our marriage was as honest and solid as it gets. She’s never been the most open person, especially when it comes to emotions. Letting her guard down just isn’t something she does easily. Even when she lets you get close, I always feel like there’s some deeper layer she keeps locked up.

The day before Thanksgiving, I had to run a virtual training for work. My laptop was acting up, so I was forced to use our desktop computer that mainly just sits there gathering dust now. During the meeting, I got bored and started cleaning up files, deleting old stuff, scrolling through ancient family photos. Just trying to pass the time. That’s when I stumbled on a document she’d written. It was a memoir or her life story so far.

I didn’t open it to snoop. Really, I just glanced at the first few pages and found myself hooked. She wrote about her childhood, her family, her best friend…things she never really talks about so openly and honestly. For the first time, it felt like I was peeking into that part of her she always keeps hidden. Honestly, it was kind of nice. Then I hit the section about a guy from her past.

I knew about him, or at least I thought I did. We’ve always been open about our old relationships. She’d told me it was just a college fling, nothing serious. She said she broke up with him when he went “crazy.” She never made it sound like he mattered all that much.

But what she wrote was a totally different story.

Turns out, the relationship lasted years…off and on for four. She called him the smartest person she’d ever met. Said talking to him was effortless, that they just clicked, shared all the same jokes, interests, even humor. She wrote that she could talk to him more easily than anyone else, ever. She made it sound like what they had was something rare, something she’s never felt with anyone else.

Then she started describing him physically. And not just a passing “he was attractive,” but every detail. His eyes, his face, his nose, his smile, his jawline. She called him the most beautiful man she’s ever seen. She used his name over and over. The way she wrote about him, you’d think she was still in love. She spent several pages talking about him.

Apparently, he asked her to marry him.

None of this matches what she ever told me.

She wrote about why things didn’t work out. He had serious mental health issues, drank too much, didn’t want a family, kept pushing her away. So when she used to brush it off as “oh, he was crazy,” I guess she really meant it. But the way she wrote it, if it weren’t for that one thing, she’d have stayed with him and that she wishes she could have been with him.

And then there was me. She wrote that I’m dependable, we never fight, I’m exactly the kind of man she pictured as a good husband and father. She said she loves me and said a lot of nice things, but none of it had the same intensity as what she wrote about him.

Honestly, reading all this felt like getting blindsided. Like I’ve been in some competition with a ghost I didn’t even know was there.

I haven’t told her any of this yet. I have no idea how to bring it up. At first, I thought I’d just keep it to myself. I’m not proud of how much this has gotten to me, or how jealous I feel. I never expected her to share every detail about him, but I don’t get why she downplayed it so much. What’s the point in bringing it up? Still, it’s been eating at me ever since I read it, and I keep thinking I should just tell her what happened. How do I bring this up to her?

Tl;dr: I found a memoir my wife wrote, and she describes another man as the love of her life. I want to tell her I’ve read it, but I don’t know how to start that conversation.