Husband says he hates me

My husband (31m) and I (34f) have been married for 9 years. We have always been like oil and water, him being OCD (diagnosed) and me being ADHD (Diagnosed and medicated) but we have always viewed it as one of our strengths because we pull each other more in the middle. But today it kinda all came to ahead. We were running late to an event which made this small spark of a fight into a full blown wildfire. It ended with him telling me that he hates me and then proceeded to tell me for the next 20 minutes everything I’m failing at. We ended up getting in with our marriage therapist for an emergency meeting. My husband said that “he didn’t mean that he hated me, he just wanted me to stop yelling at him” and I get that I have a really good talent of knowing how to piss him off.. but even then this behavior was such out of left field and it was in front of our four young girls. During the end of the therapy session our therapist said that the “I hate you” comment was not at all appropriate, and that it has left a good size gash that is not going to easily heal with a simple “sorry, I didn’t mean that”.. but he also made a comment about my husband is showing signs of feeling “emotional unsafe”. Idk.. I just don’t see how we could possibly move past this. But I don’t want a divorce. I just wanted to rant…I’m not even sure if this post makes sense..and Im sure I’m leaving out stuff on what I said that was wrong..I’m just so so hurt and tired.. and now I’m confused if it’s my fault and I’m the actual bad guy here..