struggling with never being the first choice

recently come out of a short term relationship and I’m a senior in hs, so dating isn’t the most serious thing in my life, but i feel like I’ve chronically been people’s second choice, or just what they settle for, I was dating a guy I’ve been friends with a few years, we started dating in around mid summer and recently broke up. we’ve been talking because the break up has been mutual and we agreed to be friends but his side has been genuinely heartbreaking to me. I wanted to break up because I just don’t feel like he has been supporting me through personal hardship and grief I’ve had been experiencing, and the fact that I don’t feel appreciated or like he wants to show that he cares or “loves me”, but I know now that’s because he kind of doesn’t. He revealed that he feels he “settled for me” that when things come to him he just lets it. I feel like he would do all the things I’ve fussed over, but not for me. He even said that thing “taught him” he has to go for what he wants even though it’s hard. I was definitely a bit devastated, this is one of my actually real relationships after being in what some people call a “situationship” with a different guy for like almost 2 years. i finally pulled myself out of the cycle after we “hung out” and kissed, yet he just wouldn’t commit to me, i was just something he could always go back to, something familiar, i feel like damn Carrie Bradshaw. I also got to a point where I soft cut off my two close friends, I’m just done fussing over never being chosen, my friend’s choosing each other over me, I had a friend “forget plans” with me twice after telling me how bad they missed me, and they didn’t even apologize, like u made me Hold space for u that u didn’t even respect. Everyone knows I’m depressed but no one checks up on me. Everyone knows that I’ve been struggling due to the winter and a good bit ofpeople who were close to me knew how depressed I became after one of my foster kittens passed away because the shelter couldn’t treat them in time I’ve been a wreck. I’m just confused because I pour so much love and time and devotion into everything I do and everyone I’m around, I write poems, I make handmade cards, I give so much of myself and yet people see something in me, or lack there of that makes me less worthy. I’ve began to vent, I’m sorry. thank u if u read this