I don’t understand what’s wrong with me

I seriously don’t understand what’s wrong with me. It’s like no one wants to talk to me anymore — the friends I’ve made online, even my family makes me feel like they just don’t want to talk to me.

I try to be nice. I try to be understanding. I try my fucking best to do what I think is the right thing to do. It’s just that whatever I do… it’s not good enough. I’m not good enough.

While on call with someone earlier, he suddenly tells me he’s gotta jump off to call with someone else in a few minutes. No heads up, no warning. I thought we were having a good time, but I guess not.

I mean I know I’m not the most attractive person in the world — I’m average at best. I know that there’s days I can be a lot. But we were having fun, talking about different things and just… hanging out. And then suddenly I’m getting dropped.

I just feel like I get used for the nsfw side of things with some of my online friends. It’s fun to play with them, I enjoy it, and I’ve learned a lot about myself doing it, but it’s gotten to the point that it’s all I feel like I’m good for. I just can’t keep going feeling like this.

And I really just need to get all of it off of my chest. No one fucking talks to me. No one wants to do anything but the nsfw shit with me. And when we are having a good time without it, they decide they wanna hang out with someone else. So what the fuck is wrong with me?