First emotional breakdown

36m I’ve been diagnosed with RRMS and on Kesimpta for just about a year now. The other day I had a very big mental breakdown after getting my first illness in a long time. So long that actually I don’t know HOW to be sick. Growing up I was blessed to have an ironically amazing immune system. Didn’t miss a day of school due to illness until high school, and never as an adult omitting a positive and easy covid positive test during the height.

Last Friday I woke up, couldn’t spit words out because my throat was on fire and there was gunk that I was borderline choking on when my wife woke me up. I do still work full time in a middle management position in a high-ish stress industry. I was 100% SCARED. She didn’t say anything. She turned and went to work. I went to any doc that could see me fast. After ALL the tests I was told it was the “regular seasonal bug” that is going around. That proved true as I got better in a few days. But it was still a big blow to my psyche and disheartening for me. That used to be my super power.

Throughout the day I was texting with her and there was times she was very responsive and said it was slow, then there were times that she didn’t respond. Yes. I did wait patiently without follow up messages bc I she can get busy as well. I just spent time with the family so out of courtesy I let them all know (including wife) that what I was showing them the night before was basic and not to worry. Not once did she ask me “how are you feeling”. Actually, no one except my brother asked that. Another emotional blow.

Later that night I was feeling better with some temporary bitter throat spray that the doc gave me before leaving. I proposed classic grilled cheese and soup. We were watching tv at the time. She got up asked if I’d like a grilled cheese and started making it. After a couple minutes I got up started helping her (normal practice here). She wouldn’t let me separate her cheese for her (common helping cook process in our house hold) and tried taking the in opened cheese package from me while I was struggling to open it “nicely” (also common based on the cheese we buy). Then I looked and there was only one soup going, for 6 years we have always cooked our own soup as we have different preferences. I said that there was no soup cooking for me and I would wait on my grilled cheese until she was done with the stove to cook my own. She pointed at the pot and said there was soup. I said not for me so I’ll wait. She didn’t want any of my help, so why crowd her?

Minutes later she called saying that my grilled cheese was done. That’s where I snapped. I told her 3+ times I didn’t want grilled with the soup she picked (like we have done many MANY times a year for the last 6 years). For the first time in my life I felt legit sick and only my brother showed concern even before I told them results of doc. I felt incapable of working, incapable of counting cheese or opening the new cheese package, my super powers stripped. And now my wife is not listening to me or my requests. There was a lot more bothering me, but those were that days big issues. It was a BIG screaming stomping “you aren’t listening to or caring about me” type of bow up.

We’ve talked since then and I calmly explained how I was feeling. Her excuse was “I don’t do well with throat issues”. First I’ve heard that in 6 years. “It was sooo busy at work”. She directly told me THAT DAY that it was hit and miss at how busy it was. She regularly doesn’t listen and blames all the new things I feel in my body since starting Kesempta is “it’s because you turned 36”. She has said in the past “wait till you turn 32, (33, 34 etc…) it gets worse. And it never did until I started meds. I don’t regret my meltdown. Maybe it will get her attention, but after a week of getting over that sickness it appears to be the same dang thing.