I wish my friend didn’t change after getting a boyfriend

Maybe it’s selfish, but it really does hurt, how we switched up from being each other’s first and favorites to her boyfriend being in that position. It took me a bit of time to get over that—honestly, I don’t think I have, still, but sometimes it’s just so obvious. The difference in treatment is just so vast, and it would be fine if I hadn’t experienced how it was like before. I’m glad I’m starting to get other close friends but it’s not the same.

It makes me want to get a boyfriend too, so that someone would place me first, someone could be my go to and they’d place me first. But that makes me so fucking sad!! That’s not what I want that’s the only thing I can fuckign afford because friends are apparently just secondary in this world and it’s so fucking pathetic because I place them and her first and I was so excited to see her after so long but she clearly would rather spend that time with her boyfriend anyways.

Feeling hurt and feeling pathetic because of it makes me feel so shitty. It’s not even easy for me to get close to other people so I have to wait years and years till I can form very close bonds with someone but by the time they had been together for like 3 months I was already nothing.

Fuck this, honestly. I wish my skin was thicker and I didn’t need people.