Dealing with big feelings as an AuDHD woman

I'm sure this isn't new when it comes to how our brain works. I had nowhere else to really talk about this so I want to post it here.

Ever since I was little, I have always hated any idea of change. It would always send me in a spiral. About 2 months ago I had moved states, but I am 3 1/2 hours away from my hometown. I moved for the reason of a job and honestly I just hate all of it so much. I feel so miserable every day. I would have loved to stick with my previous job, but it was a contract position that ended in September. I thought that 3 1/2 hours away was no big deal, but turns out that it is. I get literal anxiety just thinking about going into work and cry almost everyday. It gets harder to go to and from home when all I want to do is stay there. I should've known that this would happen as a couple of years ago I moved 11 hours away for a job and felt the same feelings that I do now. I thought this time was different since I was closer and I had more answers about who I am as a person. But, more than anything, I just want to go home. I wish I could just get up and quit and just move back. But ofc, the job market sucks right now and moving back would be expensive.

I know that I could "stick it out" and all, but my mind has been made up that I don't want to be here. And on top of ALL of this, I am a federal employee, and so the looming idea of another government shutdown has me so panicked.

I'm not sure what it is I am seeking from here, but I just wanted to get this out there as I am trying so hard to be able to move back to my hometown. And trying to rewire my brain into thinking that I am not a failure for trying something that was against me this whole time.