Venting about my illness

I feel like nothing around me — including myself — is real. I’ve had three attempts this year. I live with schizophrenia and severe derealization. I recently started new medication, and it helped a little, but as I get older, everything seems to get worse. I don’t see any real opportunities for myself anymore. I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom. The derealization and my illness are taking over my life. I see things in my mind every day — almost like déjà vu or something similar — and I can’t cope with it. The visions are strange, and nothing seems to make them go away. I struggle with dark thoughts all the time. My dreams feel incredibly real, and sometimes I wish I could stay in them instead of dealing with this world. My memories feel unreliable now, and I often question whether events actually happened. I mix up reality with dreams or visions. I think there’s no opportunities for me and no one can help me.