To Steven, this is the last time you will hear from me

I’m going to be deleting Reddit because it has just taken a toll on me, checking your page everyday only to see you telling people what a horrible person I was, how I didn’t treat you like the guys before…

I waited for you to ask me out, 5 dates, I waited for to ask me to be your girlfriend, and on the fifth, I had to ask you when you were going to make me your girlfriend

And now you want to tell strangers on the internet about how I “made you wait longer for something that others got sooner” all that tells me is that you never really cared or valued me, no matter how hard you tried to make me think so

I should have known better from those first couple of messages we sent back and forth that you weren’t who you said you were

About how I thought it was responsible that you had your own apartment

And you said “would you like to come over for the tour?” And I suggested we go out on a date first

How dare you make me out to be a hedonistic slut when those were some of the very first words you said to me

Even after we broke up, you used me for my body, and I fucking loved you

Every single part of my soul loved every part of yours

I loved your eyes when the sun hit them at just the right angle

I loved the two freckles on the left side of your cheek that would curve inward when you smiled

I loved your tan skin and the way it got darker in the summer

I loved the little gap between your teeth

I loved that when you laughed I could hear it from the other room and I could’ve cried from how happy it made me

I loved your dad jokes and the way you would always make me laugh

I loved how stubborn you were and how nothing could deter you from what you wanted in life

I loved how passionate you were about everything you loved

I loved the way you smelled when you came home from being in the shop all day, like coolant and the cologne I got you for your 22nd birthday

I love how no matter how many times I told you to not leave your boots in the hall, you would always leave them there anyways and I would stub my toe every single fucking time and I would KILL TO DO IT AGAIN……

I would kill to love all of you again……

I still love you…you’re still my first thought every morning

I don’t get it, you demonize me to people I dont even know and I still love you with everything I have within me…..

You’ve taken me, body and soul

I’ll never get myself back

Yet I still love you….im scared that I always will

J.N.