I am so ill

I’m just 16 years old why does it feel like my brain is constantly trying to kill me. I’ve been feeling like this since i was 11 years old how the hell am i supposed to live the rest of my life like this. I’ve been to therapy over and over again but this feeling always comes back and i don’t think anyone in my life realizes how much it truly hurts. I’ve tried so many different meds and they never work for me. Both of my biological parents are mentally ill of course so of course i was just born this way im just naturally sick in the head of course of course of course I can’t even be in school or keep any irl friends and it’s all my fault. My brain is so mean to me it hurts me so much