Just needed to vent

Have LN and started Lupkynis cause cellcept alone wasn't enough. Labs looked great but at the time it was close to hitting the known cut off for safety. So we pulled me off and put me on benlysta but it's been almost a year and the blood result never greatly improved with it but kidney's look ok still. I'm just so frustrated with this damn disease. Like why can't benlysta work for me when it works for so many others? I have a follow up with Rheum on Fri but just needed to vent to a community that understands.