My boyfriends parents make me uncomfortable

This is the last place I thought I’d be going for advice, but nothing I do seems to help. My boyfriend and I are both 18, and still live at home. We spend a lot of time at my house together because his parents have made me feel uncomfortable on many occasions. I could list all of them, but that would take me a very long time, but to sum it up my boyfriend doesn’t even feel comfortable in his own house. Even though I have disliked them, I have been nothing but kind, baking stuff for them, doing thoughtful things like buying their favorite candy and making dinner for them on occasion.

Despite my best efforts to get along, they still seem to dislike me because they have this warped perception I’m taking their son away. They blame this partially on him too, but they always tell him “you’re spending too much time with her.” Instead of “you’re not spending enough time with us,” so it feels targeted.

This issue came to a head the other day when my boyfriend was in the kitchen doing dishes and his stepdad noticed that my boyfriend was dressed up. His stepdad asked if my boyfriend and I were hanging out that day, and when he answered yes, his stepdad exploded saying that “you spend too much time with her” and “you don’t know what it’s doing to your mom.”

At the end of the conversation (if you could even call it that) his stepdad told him to ask my parents to meet sometime. When my boyfriend got to my house, he was upset and I’ve never heard him yell like that. He wanted to solve this issue, so he asked my parents to meet with his with him and I in attendance. His stepdad vetoed that quickly, saying “no. I’ll reach out.” And continued saying “this is why I told you not to mention anything.” I’m assuming that meant to me (how wouldn’t I know?) and that he wanted a dinner with “no kids” which we are not because we are 18!

I disliked this conversation, and I felt like his parents needed the clarity that he doesn’t want to be over there because of them and I had nothing to do with it other than providing a safe space away from them.

I texted his mom that night asking if I could come over the following day for a chat. This is where I messed up, because I shouldn’t have confronted them at all, yk, hindsight 20/20.

His mom was very fake for most of it, and didn’t apologize for anything really. Somehow his stepdad pissed me off more. My boyfriend got the deer in headlights look in his eyes and kept nodding his head to everything his stepdad said, so I stood up for him. After enough of this, his stepdad said “I’m not talking to you, I don’t know why you’re answering for him.” So I broke down and said “because he’s scared of you. You didn’t pose that as a conversation, you posed it as an argument.”

Again, probably too honest for them.

A couple days later, and after a very awkward thanksgiving, his stepdad confronted him again saying “let’s talk about that attack on your mom on Monday.” And claimed they were uncomfortable with the discussion because they didn’t know me that well, which is horse shit to me because my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years and his stepdad especially has made no effort to get to know me at all. And if they don’t know me that well, they shouldn’t feel comfortable fighting in front of me or talking poorly of me and my relationship with my boyfriend.

I wish they were more uncomfortable with their own actions more than they were uncomfortable with my presence there, I just wanted to stand up for him.

I don’t want to just take their mistreatment, that’s not my style, I just don’t know how to handle it.