Meaning of subconscious reactions after seeing my narcissistic mother?

Lately, I’ve noticed that I do some instinctual things with my body when my mother is around and I’m curious as to why.

For context, I have a very narcissistic, manipulative, maybe emotionally abusive(?) mother. Since I was 10 years old, I’ve remembered being verbally degraded and slut shamed, etc.

I’ve recently begun to live with her again for a short time and I notice certain things keep happening when she’s around without me meaning to. For one, when I’m walking, and I don’t even notice this, I never ever face her or look in her eye. It’s like my body just knows to face the exact opposite direction even if it makes my movement look strange. Also, my shoulders physically tense up when she’s around and the strangest thing is (I feel sort of guilty about this) I get this sense of repulsion when I’m around her or more specifically hear her movement or feel her presence. I lose my appetite so I can never eat food with her without being uncomfortable, and I just feel icky, if that makes sense. Even if she’s doing something completely harmless, like cleaning, just hearing her makes my lips literally curl and my jaw tightens, and I notice my movements are more aggressive and frustrated.

I know some of this might be obvious resentment to the way I was treated through my childhood, but some of my reactions do feel very odd, and I was wondering what you guys’ take is on this. Just a fun analysis! Thanks.