19 [F4M] Looking for somebody as obsessive as I am

In all honesty, I was kinda nervous about posting here, but decided to give it a shot. I've recently come to terms with my yandere-esque nature and decided to finally embrace it instead of pretending I'm somebody I'm not and hiding. Reading all these posts truly made me feel understood and seen, so I feel like there's a bit of hope left for me.

Although I'd like to believe I'm doing quite well mentally these days, I still cannot shake the feelings of emptiness I've felt the past few months. My life has been quite monotonous and I miss jumping at every notification, hoping it's going to be you or just looking forward to catching up with you, wantint to learn everything there is to know about you and glaze the hell out of your existence, even if you yourself are struggling to see yourself the way I see you.

■About me: 19, female, based in Europe, studying CS in a supposedly highly ranked uni, ISTJ, rather antisocial and sleep deprived, hate going out or being surrounded by huge crowds, some of my interests/hobbies include languages, anime, astronomy and mythology.

■Appearance: White, brunette, brown eyes, long hair w/ straight bangs, rather skinny, ig my default facial expression could be described as "mean"?

■Looking for: Romantically into men but obviously if there are any girls out there that would love to be friends, pls reach out!

■Personality traits I value: I'd love to meet somebody who shares the same values and boundaries as me, somebody who will truly understand and be patient, who's aware of their needs and preferences and has clear goals, somebody as antisocial as I am, nerds, "losers", somebody more assertive/decisive than I am? In case that's important to you, I'm a sub/bottom. I struggle with speaking my mind and overthinking tiny details, so I'd love it if we just said the first thing that came to our minds and always asked for clarification if we were confused.

■Ideal relationship: Ideal scenario would be we fall in love asap and go live together in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, far from people and maybe have a pet or two, work from home and cuddle a lot.

Jokes aside, I just love the idea of a relationship where both people feel truly understood and seen, where we don't have to beg for the bare minimum or go to sleep worrying about things and overthinking. I like the idea of knowing and telling everything, whether it be location, what I'm up to, interactions, daily plans/schedule, etc. I'd like to know I could hand you my phone anytime and you'll know there's nothing you can find that will make you insecure or worry because I only have eyes for you. I'd rather gauge my eyes out that lust over, look at or seek attention from somebody who just isn't you.

■Red flags: (at least you've being warned, be grateful!) ▪︎I have a history w/ social anxiety, minor sh and ed. ▪︎Unfortunately I'm a little too possessive and jealous as a partner. (You've been warned!) I have really strict boundaries, which are the result of negative past experiences and the trauma they caused. I'm willing to open up about them early on to prevent any disappointment on your side or waste your time. Warning⚠️: We are not your fetish. It's not fun, for me at least, crossing my boundaries and making me uncomfortable because you think it's "hot when a girl is jealous". ▪︎It may take me a while to get truly comfortable with you. Although I do crave a deep connection based on mutual admiration and obsession, it's also very scary giving somebody so much control over your emotions and well-being.

Feel free to reach out if you feel like this resonates with you even if you're not interested in a relationship and regardless of your gender and age. I'd love to e.g. hear how you personally experience love as a yandere. If you're looking for a friend, I'm willing to hear you yap about your problems or traumas, etc.

Warning ⚠️: written at 3am. Reading at your own risk.