AITA for asking my best friend to apologize and ruining our friendship

Sorry for the long post, I promise it’s worth it! (Fake names of course)

Ok, for some context, I have known my best friend Cassie for 4 years. We are in a friend group with my boyfriend Jack and her boyfriend Evan, and we also share a lot of friends. I’ve known Jack for 5 years and we’ve been dating for almost 2, Evan and Cassie have been dating for a little under a year. Evan and Jack are best friends, which made our friend group work perfectly, and we constantly hung out the four of us. Cassie has always been stubborn, she never apologizes or takes responsibility, and she doesn’t have much empathy. I am the opposite, I am very emotional, I am a people pleaser, and I am not afraid to own up to my mistakes. Exactly a year ago, Cassie and I got into an argument where she claimed I wasn’t hanging out with her enough due to work, which escalated because she un added me on all social media and blocked me because I claimed I was trying to make time for her and apologized that I wasn’t able to hang out much. We cut contact for about 4 months until we started talking again at work. Things went back to normal and have been fine until recently, note that she never apologized after this argument.

Now into the story. About a month ago I was walking behind Evan and Cassie and overheard them talking about Jack. They were claiming that Jack was using Cassie for her money and as a source of transportation. This stemmed from a conversation Jack had with Cassie where he asked for her to give him a ride to get food after an event they had together. Jack is a very thoughtful person who hates asking for things or making people pay, but he didn’t have his car at the time. I had heard the whole conversation and knew that Jack offered to pay for himself and her and said he could find a different ride, so I interrupted Evan and Cassie and told them that Jack would never do that. I defended him and told them that they were out of line for talking about him behind his back, and that if they were worried about that they should bring it up with him. Cassie raised her voice at me and told me that it’s none of my business and I shouldn’t be listening to her conversation, which I defended by saying that I have the right to stand up for my boyfriend when he’s not present. Cassie walked away from us and I told Evan that he shouldn’t be talking behind his best friends back, he apologized and said I was right.

I saw Jack later that day and told him what I had heard, he texted both of them to ask about it and Cassie got mad at him for asking. Jack and I distanced ourselves from her for a week, and without any sign of an apology from Cassie we decided to leave it alone for now. Cassie continued to talk about me behind my back and be disrespectful to me when she saw me in person, for example, she forgot something on a table at work and when I brought it to her she just threw it away and said she didn’t want it anymore. After a week of her doing this, she started acting fine again and pretending nothing happened, which I wasn’t ok with considering how she treated me. A few days went by with her acting like this and I decided to send her a message where I said that I wasn’t happy with how the situation was handled and I wanted to have a conversation, I also apologized for how I confronted the situation after hearing their conversation. I said that I wanted an apology for how I was treated, because I was yelled at for defending my boyfriend, and I told her that I would be ok moving on and being friends if she just apologized. She blew up on me for asking for an apology and said that she didn’t do anything wrong and was only having a conversation. This is where I might be an asshole. After messaging back and forth for an hour, things started to get more heated and I told her that she was self centered and always played the victim. I told her that in our entire friendship I had never heard her say sorry, and I was tired of being the only one to apologize. I ended the conversation and told her to text me when she was ready to actually understand where I’m coming from and take ownership for her actions. Jack also sent her a polite but firm message telling her that she needed to stop being disrespectful to me. She responded to that by saying she was overwhelmed and would talk about it another time. She didn’t say anything for three days and then un added me and Jack on all social media and blocked us.

A side note. During all of my conversations with Cassie, and Jacks conversations with her, she would say “I want to talk about it in person.” However, when Jack and I would talk to her in person she would say she didn’t want to talk about it.

Jack claims that I did nothing wrong and it’s not my fault she ran away from her problems, but I feel partially responsible for her blocking Jack and I feel bad for making things awkward for him and Evan.

Evan reached out to Jack and I after he found out she un added us and apologized, he said that he thinks it wasn’t handled well but there was nothing he could do to change her mind. He also claimed that one of the reasons she did it was because of her “trauma” from our argument last year. She has been going around to our mutual friends and showing them the messages and claiming that I said I hated her and that I’m in the wrong for saying she always plays the victim. Everyone she has told has come up to me and said they were on my side but no one is telling her she’s wrong.

Now I’m wondering if an apology was worth ruining a friendship. So, AITA for asking my best friend to apologize and ruining our friendship?

UPDATE:

OK, so it’s been about four months since my original post, Jack and I just hit our two-year anniversary, Evan and Cassie just hit there one year. I have avoided all communication with Cassie, and Jack only communicates when necessary for things they are both involved in. We are both still very close with Evan and talk to him often.

Things have been fine for the most part, a few bumps here and there, things like her pulling Evan awhile when we’re in the middle of a conversation, being overprotective of girls around him and accusing them of flirting with him. But overall, it’s been good, until last night.

Last night we all attended an event that happens every year. I don’t know why Cassie still goes to this event since she always complains the whole time and leaves early because she doesn’t like social environments, two years ago I went with her and she yelled at me the whole time for not leaving early with her because I wanted to stay and hang out with my friends. Anyways, last night Cassie was sitting in another room with less people while Evan, Jack, and I were dancing to music. We were having fun hanging out until Cassie came out and asked Evan what he was doing and why he wasn’t hanging out with her. Evan said he was just hanging out with us and dancing, Cassie got mad and walked out. Evan complained that she always does this and is stubborn because she doesn’t like social events. We kept dancing and eventually went to grab drinks in the other room, Evan was then pulled aside by Cassie’s younger sister, Chloe, who’s two years younger, but just as entitled is Cassie. Jack and I waited for Evan and couldn’t hear the conversation, but when they were done, Evan came over and told us that he couldn’t hang out with us for the rest of the night and needed to go hang out with Cassie. Jack and I were annoyed, but told him to let us know if he needed anything.

Jack and I went and sat at the table by our friends, near where Cassie, Evan, and Chloe were. Evan looked miserable, he’s usually a social, energetic, and talkative person, however, he was just sitting there, not saying anything and staring at the table. We could tell something was wrong. There was about an hour left of the event when Cassie and Evan stood up. Evan walked over and gave Jack a big hug while saying “I’m so sorry, I have to go.” He told us both goodbye while repeating that he was sorry. After they left, Jack and I talked to our friends about it, and we all agreed that the situation didn’t look good, and Evan didn’t look ok at all. Evan has mentioned that he doesn’t wanna ruin the one year relationship, and he doesn’t know what his mom will think (she’s really strict when it comes to his relationships and she likes Cassie, they are a lot alike). We are worried that he won’t end things if the situation is toxic because he doesn’t want to mess things up.

Now I need advice. Jack and I are really worried about Evan, and we want to get him out of this toxic situation. However, we don’t know how to help. Is there anyway we can help Evan get out of this situation or does he need to figure it out on his own?