My partner (20M) has broken my (18F) trust a couple times. Should I give him one last chance?

TL;DR

I have a complicated situation with a guy I know since childhood. We reconnected in 2024, but he accused me of cheating without cause and confessed to hiding a serious 🌽 addiction. After seeing evidence of his betrayal during our supposed talking phase, I feel deeply hurt and betrayed. Despite asking for one more chance, I'm struggling with trust issues and my self-image, impacting my mental health. I'm unsure how to do this or if I should let him go.

It all started on Instagram, he followed me and dm'ed me last 2023, but it was on and off and, but enough to know that he was interested with me. We've known each other since 2nd Grade, and I was the one who had a crush on him, just an innocent crush. But it grew, until he switched schools, and I did not see him for 4 years.

Fast forward to May 2024 (he hit me up in IG in every 4 months or so since 2023), this is when it started to get more serious, he asked me on a date but he flaked, didn't tell me he couldn't go days after the said date. Then on July 2024, we started talking again and the date happened. But he has just broken off from a situationship, that's why I felt like I was just a back up. We saw each other for 2 days, but he had to go to another country for his service, so we did not really get to se each other physically.

Everything continued, we messaged and video called each other, but I always felt like I was the one initiating all the time. But it didn't matter to me, 'cause if the time comes and it doesn't work, then I wouldn't feel like a lacked of giving him anything. On July 23, 2024, I fell asleep really early 'cause I had an event the next day, which I told him about. Woke up in the middle of the night to his messages and calls that said, "Are you complaining about me to another man?", "It all started with your mom” (my mom cheated on dad, implying that I'm just like her). I was so confused, but it was all about my IG note saying that I'm going to bring food for my friend (Male, but he didn't know he was gay). He blocked me on IG and restricted me on Facebook and messaging apps. But we fixed it through my friend, and said it was all just a misunderstanding. I was even the one who apologized, when he should've for everything he said to me.

Fast forward to around August to October this year, we were on a video call and he was sharing his screen, we were watching funny videos then he went to Safari and as saw 2 tabs of It felt like my heart dropped down to the ground and everything felt so heavy. I've always had this feeling that he was hiding something from me, and I was right. Idk what your guys's opinion with but I firmly consider cheating when you're in a relationship. An addition to this, we had a conversation months before this about, how destructive this is to the young generation, and he told me himself, "That's why I don't watch it anymore". I didn't ask him, he just told me. Turns out he was lying. Worst part is he calls me after watching it to finish on me. Like is that supposed to make me feel better? He told me he was planning on letting me know after fixing his addiction. When? What if he didn't fix it earlier and it went on forever and I didn't see it, would he ever tell me? But he promised again that he'll change, said sorry as well. So I said, okay, one more chance. But really I had realIIIIIII trust issues with him now.

Then just this week (he went home in our home country to visit me for 2 weeks), we were scro" on his photos and I saw a screenshot of his IC chats, July 2024 up until August 2024 orsomewhere between those months. That was the same month that he accused me of "cheating" on him, but he was the one doing it, never apologized to me. He let me carry that situation, knowing that he was betraying me? And to him it was just nothing 'cause we weren't together yet, so how come he was so mad at me before? I feel so betrayed right now, I'm still healing from his lie previously and comes this. And just yesterday we were scrolling on his notes, I saw his "Hit List" of girls to hit on and pick-up lines for girls, mind you this was when we were months talking already.

There were also still notes about the girl before me. I asked him why does he still have it, he told me it's history. Which seemed weird to me, 'cause if it were me who did that, he'd a have a different reaction.

He asked me for one more chance, but idk what to do. It really took a toll on me especially on my self-image, he knew that a lot of men objectified me, harassed me, and it hurts more 'cause someone I love did that to me. It's so hard to heal and move on when it's everything I think about. I dream about it, it's what I think about on the way to school, when I eat, when I study. It really affected my health that I contacted my psychiatrist after 4 years!!! I couldn't even tell her that truth. Idk what to do. I love him, but I'm scared that now that he's back in another country, this feeling will grow bigger and that it will come to a day that I have to let him go. How do I give my trust back, how do I stop thinking of this?