Navigating social life while going through anticipatory grief

For the past three years, I’ve been experiencing ongoing anticipatory grief with my mother who is on the final stage of her terminal illness. As a person in their early 30’s, I only found a handful of people my age or younger who can relate to the experience of grief and/or caretaking. Needless to say, I tend to feel isolated from my peers. I have also noticed other difficulties in my social life such as:

1. Suddenly becoming overstimulated when going out
2. Feeling emotionally blunted (not experiencing many highs or lows) and having a flat affect
3. Difficulty being present in group settings or generally being more reserved
4. Overall feeling of disconnection from the people I’m with

I love the people I’m around, the friends I keep know I am going through this experience. Still, I miss how I used to be present to people when conversing, hold a curiosity about strangers, have a sharp wit, crack jokes, and not be so internal in my head the majority of the time.

I recognize that I’ve gone through and still am going through constant dysregulation with my nervous system, and despite my best attempts to stabilize my life with healthy habits, it still seems like I’m going through this cycle. It feels like the only way I’ll get back to a truly stable nervous system is once my mother actually passes and I can fully focus on my own life. But I don’t like or want to think that I have to wait in for healthy changes in my life can happen.

Can anyone relate? How has your connection to others changed because of grief? Anything you find helpful? Thank you for reading.