I wasn't enough

I wasn't enough.

I tried to fit inside the box you wanted me so badly to fit into. In that state, I lost pieces of myself that couldn't fit into the narrow and shallow box you wanted me to put it all into. I tried to bring more and you said, "but it doesn't fit!"

I wasn't enough because I wasn't allowed to be.

This letter is for many people, but my ex as well. It started slowly, a long time ago. I didn't notice the boxes getting smaller. I didn't realize the parts of myself I threw away to fit. I met someone who didn't have a box for me. I lost him. All boxes are now too small and I'm sick of it. I tried, and you all want me to be something I'm not.

I won't thrive without space. I need to be "too much". Too much for you. I need to be the parts that make you feel inadequate and uncertain. I need to be who I am, not this dummed down version.

I will be too much for you to accept. That's fine. To me, I will be happy being me again. No fucks given. Going through life and shaping it in the ways I believe. With kindness, empathy, self-dicipline and logic.

I wasn't enough. I'm changing that, but for myself. You might wonder what changed. I did.