Abandoned by the only friend I had, feel like im becoming hard of heart.

As the post says someone I made friends with about 8 months ago at a hostel I went too to flee an abusive family member just abandoned me and blocked me because I told her to stop being passive aggressive over text. That was it and the next day she just said I was being too weird lately and distant and we aren't friends anymore, before that I had a friend who just dropped me out of the blue because I became religious that was my crime, before this I was a lonely alcoholic who already drank because of my self imposed isolation after getting abandoned and abused by my dad and in boarding school. I already isolate myself honestly because of the extreme amount of times Ive been abandoned and because depression just made me feel like a boring zombie with nothing to say and total anhedonia when unmedicated I can't even keep up with laundry. I feel like I've lost my sense of empathy in some regards because I've been hurt and abused so many times now and can see this is just the human condition. I used to walk down the street and get cash out to give to the homeless if I saw them and I believed that if I was loyal, honest and kind that my friends would be and I have been screwed so badly now that I actually just see the poor person and think "screw them" and I look at my past acts of forgiveness or grace or kindness to just be completely wasted and in vain like I couldn't give a damn about the human race anymore, I still do care and intellectually its wrong but emotionally it doesn't seem to bother me anymore. My heart is turning extremely dark and something is changing within me. I feel like I genuinely just don't care anymore but I really would like a real relationship or friendship after depression has stolen so much from me but im tired of this man, really tired of it, I can't say im perfect like I can be distant and lame bc of my illness and abandonment issues, I hate it as well but I wouldn't just drop a relationship like nothing and treat people like disposable garbage like has been done to me and honestly I wonder if me being abused by my narcissistic parents making me into a depressed people pleaser has put me at the mercy of shitty friends and why literally every relationship I've had has been like this, im either abandoned or if they don't leave me they are using me, I don't think I've had a genuine friend in my life and Im 25.