Please help! I'm dying

Dated my AvPD boyfriend for 3.5 years.

In that time, they walked out 3 times; once for a week, once for 3, once for 4 months - - they NEVER eroded or reached out, I always opened the door and repaired things.

September, I ended things as clean as possible (zero closure) - the lies became too much, they dragged their feet on getting a therapist, and I asked for a love letter they never wrote.

It's been over 2 months and I'm do tormented.

I want to welcome back someone commuted to growth and change, not reach out, restart the cycle, and offer a chased carrot to 'please seek help'

But the only thing our pattern ever showed: They can wait. They NEVER break.

There are good days and bad. Today's the worst, and I'm on the verge of reaching out. Please help me. I know it's wrong, and need to hear from people who have lived with - and if it's not wrong, I need to know how to make it right

PLEASE HELP! CRISIS!