Any moms in here have advice? Open to advice from anyone but sort of mom specific

This is also a vent.

After our second baby and a couple of mishaps, I really pumped the brakes on alcohol. My husband likes to drink and we were living somewhere where like all of our friends were childfree and would get together to drink a lot. Alcohol really started to wear on me (my mood, my weight, my stress, my skin)

Not to say everyone was always drunk but after we had kids, it seemed like friends would only invite me out to things that were at night and involved drinking so I could catch a 'break.' I'd already been through a couple of cycles of friends where alcohol and going out were our main focus.

Also, I loathe mommy wine culture. That is when I started my special occasion only drinking trajectory. Currently I am mostly sober but I might have A drink at a wedding or birthday. It's a game time decision and just one sipped slowly.

We recently moved and I'm trying to make new friends, which I'm already not very good at, and it seems like every mom I meet wants to connect over alcohol. I say I was gifted a crochet kit and a mom offered to teach me? Invites me to wine night to learn. New mom friend who wants to introduce me to her school friends? Invites me to margaritas at a tequila bar. Find out we have shared music taste? They say they hope a concert comes in to town but we "must" uber. Schedule a dinner with new parent friends and their kids? They show up drunk or drink heavily throughout. Find an active, early morning, no drinking type event for moms? First person I talk to makes it a point to repeatedly tell me how hungover she was.

We've attended several gatherings with new friends and neighbors. On multiple occasions, I've learned that multiple moms were blacked out. In one of the cases, her husband was also hammered and drank like half a bottle of vodka. Another mom passed out in someone's backyard (children had gone home to bed by this point thankfully). Casual shots are passed out regularly, just around the neighborhood.

I don't have an issue with peer pressure or declining drinks but I am regarded warily when I decline. It's like I am the odd man out. I also don't know what to do when it seems like this is the only way to connect with anyone. I get ghosted or treated like an acquaintance if I comment like, "Oh I don't really drink," or just show that I don't drink by not doing it.

I also feel guilty. My husband and I are in couple's therapy and I made a comment about how I just didn't want to get stuck in the same spot where I have a group of friends but all we do together is drink. I said that was how my old friend's group was and he got really annoyed saying my friends would be incredibly offended to hear me say that about them. I don't want to be judgemental like that and I know that it's possible to be sober and have friends who drink but it seems like that's easier when you already have a friends group and make the decision not to drink, not breaking into an existing group who all drink as a non-drinker.

Does anyone have any advice on navigating this?