Am I(24M) too emotional or insecure? Is this worth losing 90% perfect girl(22F)/relationship?

TL;DR: I love my girlfriend and she’s amazing in almost every way, but her history and behavior with male friends crosses boundaries that make me uncomfortable. She stays close to past flings, texts new guys in ways that seem overly interested, and makes excuses to meet them. Meanwhile I have cut off every girl from my past, even my best friend of 8 years, to respect the relationship. I’m starting to lose interest because it feels one sided and I worry I’m either being insecure or ignoring real red flags. I feel like if I’m always worrying or reminding her to cut people off, she’s not truly mine.

I’m in a relationship with a girl I really love. She’s amazing in almost every way. She’s smart, humble, caring, beautiful, self-aware, and genuinely proud to be my girl. We click, I enjoy talking to her, and she even spends on me. She truly loves me.

The problem is with boundaries. She has a history of staying close to male friends, including past flings. When we were friends before dating, she was in another relationship. She admitted she liked me and even dreamt about us being intimate. She also argued with her ex that we were just friends, and I realize now that he was right, she did feel something for me while with someone else.

The situation now is that she’s texting a new male friend in ways that feel different from how she texts other guys. She’s making plans to meet up, saying “I want to see you,” and creating excuses to link, even using "I have cigarette for you, wanna try experiments" when she hurts cigarettes. She’s also physically affectionate with other men sometimes, like hugs and long handshakes infront of me.

I’ve talked to her multiple times about this, over 6. She does cut off some men for me, but it often happens after huge arguments, and she seems upset while doing it. She says she can’t be “rude or heartless” like me, which makes her slow to enforce boundaries naturally. I’ve always been the type to cut off anyone I had intimate feelings with. I’ve even cut off girls I liked and my best friend of 8 years if I felt it was necessary for a relationship, necessary to make her feel secure.

I feel like if I’m always worrying or telling her to cut off people, she’s not truly mine. I’m slowly losing interest and disgusted even though I love everything else about her. I don’t want to be controlling or tell her she can’t have male friends, but I also don’t want her to be very close or emotionally available to them. I feel like I may be too emotional or insecure, but at the same time, her behavior crosses the boundaries I need in a relationship.

I’m stuck between appreciating the 90 percent of her that’s perfect and being frustrated by the 10 percent that violates my boundaries. I need perspective. Is this something I should try to work through, or is it a fundamental incompatibility?

And I don't know how to bring it up to her now cause she's a bit depressed and suicidal because of an illness she's facing. I wouldn't want to make her situation even worse but at the same time resentment is building and to a certain degree I'm irritated when I talk to her.