HELP! Cisgender gay or straight trans woman?

Adding NSFW just to be safe.

This is a throwaway account btw but I really need some help with my identity!!

For context, I am a AMAB 31 year old. I grew up in a super conservative family and my parents require everyone to be very gender conforming. I grew up always thinking I am a male and I did male activities alone exclusively. However, I also knew for years that when I have sexual fantasies I would exclusively cast myself into female roles, and what made it confusing is that in these fantasies I was always getting sexually a*sautled by other males, instead of having gentler form of sex. So, for many years, I only considered my fantasies as a kink, like BDSM. And also very importantly, outside sexual fantasy contexts I rarely thought of myself as a woman, maybe there were a few times when I put on female clothes but it only aroused me sexually. I was very confused about what was going on, because in daily activities the thought of becoming a woman was mostly not there.

Fast forward, in my early twenties, after I broke up with my first girlfriend, I discovered that I was into guys. I came out to my parents, which almost ruined our relationship and until today we do not talk about this. They love me but they also do not accept my sexual orientation.

I focused on my work and studies for a few years while I came to terms with myself being a cisgender gay male. However, recently, the question of whether I could be transgender again came up. I started to realize that I would talk or act in feminine ways uncontrollably. Now I know gay men can be feminine without being trans, but this again confused me a lot. And it does not help that I have a very feminine body structure to begin with.

Then after reading posts in this community, I asked myself if I were given a chance to push a button, would I want to switch to being woman. I find the answer to be inconclusive. While I envy women's lives and how pretty they look, I also do not resent my male self. Like I was telling myself if I have a next life I would want to be a woman, but for this life I think I can live as a man too, meaning I do not hate to be a man necessarily. It is more like I admire women more than disliking being a man, if you get my point.

So, all this is very confusing. I spoke to a therapist, and he said maybe this was just my coping mechanism of not wanting to be a gay man under my parents' influence, and wanting to stay in a "straight" relationship so I cast myself to be a woman. I don't know, am I gender fluid or am I definitely trans?

Sorry about the long post. I appreciate everyone's help!