FMIL, bf only child, Holidays

Just looking for insight on this situation. So I (24F) Have been dating my bf (M27) for a little under a year. We just found out a week or so before Thanksgiving that i’m 5 weeks pregnant.

IMPORTANT CONTEXT: He is an only child to a single mother (55F). He is building our house basically in her backyard (she has a decent amount of land but the house is literally 30 steps away from her house). It will basically overlook ours. The house should be done in December. He spends the night every night at my apartment which is about 15 mins from the property. But he “lives” with her while he’s building the house. His parents divorced about 20 years ago and she has not dated, married, nor had other kids. I come from a family with 7 siblings, married parents, and was raised to be independent. My family loves him and it’s basically the same vice versa.

Okay so now to present time. I have a cool relationship with his mom, but I don’t desire to be super “close” with her. we have a relationship because he and I are in a. relationship. But i don’t need/want a second mother or anything. Obviously bc Im pregnant, I’d need to always have a relationship with her but you know what I mean. He seems to be offended that i don’t want to be “besties” with her. She’s cool but I don’t see the need.

So Thanksgiving rolls around ( our FIRST Thanksgiving together) and I’m planning to go to my parents’ house as usual. I had family from all over coming into town, as my parents host thanksgiving. My grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, the whole 9. These are family members that i RARELY see and Thanksgiving is the ONLY time we’re all together like that. So it’s integral that I spend Thanksgiving DAY with them, as some relatives including grandparents tend to head back home by the end of the day/when it gets dark. They typically do not spend the night so I only have Thanksgiving DAY to see certain relatives. Dinner started at 3. My bf was down to spend time with my family on Thanksgiving as we discussed it before Thanksgiving day. When the morning rolls around, he tells me he and his mother want to have Thanksgiving dinner together after she gets off work. she WFH and didn’t get off til 5 so he was intending to go at 6-6:30. I was a little annoyed but I didn’t express that and just said ok. No sarcasm or anything fr. He seemed a little off bc he said he didn’t want to disappoint me or his mom and doesn’t want his mom to feel “less important”.

NOTE : We were planning to go to West TN Day after Thanksgiving to visit his side of the family. Which is his MOTHER’S side of the family. So, we were going to travel 2 1/2 hrs to go see his family (including his mother she drove separately but we went to see her, his grandparents and his cousin).

So we go to my parents’ house, he makes little comments like he can’t eat a lot bc he has to eat his mom’s food, he was constantly checking his phone, his mom texted him a picture of a whole cake she made, etc. It was a little annoying bc I felt like he honestly wasn’t even engaged fr with my family’s He just sat on the couch. Mind you, he has met my family before (once for g-parents, uncle, hadn’t met auntie, met siblings, etc) so he is familiar with everyone and vice versa. My family’s very welcoming and my dad for instance already calls him his son-in-law. Nonetheless, I didn’t comment on my annoyance bc I was having a good time w my fam. It was important for me to see him interact more bc i’m pregnant and we’re gonna start a family. So he needs to get to know my side . Mind you I have went over to his mother’s house multiple times w him to “hang out” in the past, have movie nights, we’ve gone to dinner, etc. So I DO spend time with her.

So 6pm comes (so he’d only been there for 3 hours, barely interacting, and texting his mom) and he leaves and I stay. Bc why would I leave?

Later that night around 9:30, he texts me asking what i’m doing. He has my location but I say i’m still at my parents’ house. He said he wants to come back but I told him it’s no need because everybody was leaving. Either going to hotels, already left, but there were some ppl like my parents, my uncle, and my auntie that were still there but they were just watching a movie. So I just said there’s no need and that i’d let him know when im otw back to the apt . I stayed for another couple hours just chillin, not really in a rush bc Id just be going to my apartment anyways and I just wasn’t rushing. He texts me at like 11 basically expressing that I took an opportunity away from him bc I didn’t “let” him come back to the house to get to know my relatives. Mind u, there was nothing going on anymore. We finished playing games already, most ppl left minus 2 ppl and they were watching a movie with my mom (auntie and uncle are my mom’s siblings and she also wanted to spend time with them alone which i feel like is ok). so i texted back that he wouldn’t be in this situation if he didn’t leave in the first place, which is true. Mind you, I hadn’t said anything negative the whole time ab him and his mom having dinner bc whatever. just don’t expect me to leave my family for a woman that we can see anytime and will be moving right behind (mind u didn’t even tell him that, i kept it in my head but that’s how i felt)

NOTE This will be the only time my bf will be able to spend quality time with my family and get to know them BEFORE the baby comes because they’re only all together for Thanksgiving (not ANY other holidays) and the baby is due end of July 2026.

So he proceeds to come over my apt after i make it back and cuss at me like “are you fucking serious” and slammed the door when he came in. Saying that it’s “just them 2” and having dinner with her is a non-negotiable. He has NEVER spoken to me like this and i was honestly shocked that he did all that bc i said “you wouldn’t be in this situation if you didn’t leave in the first place” which is TRUE. and i only said it in RESPONSE to him saying that he wanted to spend time w my family and now the opportunity is gone, like it’s my fault. Then I just matched his energy and shared my true feelings. I’m pregnant with your kid, we’re about to be engaged, I will be moving out of my independent apartment to move right behind your mother. I’m giving up my body for 9 months, my physical independence, and would be moving somewhere I never dreamed of. Also, I will be a SAHM for the 1st year so in a way, also giving up my JOB. I told him also that it’s normal for couples (especially w kids) to SPLIT holidays. and it ducks that we frankly didn’t spend our first Thankdgiving together and are ending the night with an argument. Let’s be honest, who wants to live right behind a FMIL????? He referenced , in response, my previous comments ab a month before regarding his mother and me expressing concerns of me moving behind her ( privacy, boundaries, him being “on-call” for her when we have our OWN family to adjust to including a BABY) and made it seem like i’m just so negative ab him mom as if those aren’t legitimate concerns. just being an ass. He then apologized, said he wasn’t thinking of my perspective, etc etc. We still went to see his side+his mother the day after btw.

So, do I have a right to be frustrated that instead of spending time w my family uninterrupted, he left after 3 hours (mind u, we have dinner, play games, dance, it’s a whole thing. not just dinner and that’s it so he left before the real bonding and fun even started) to spend time with his mother who we will also be spending time with the DAY AFTER thanksgiving in another city. and he sees her EVERYDAY. i’m not saying I want her to be alone but how’s it fair that he only spends 3 hrs with my family, the rest of the day with her, AND the next day with her??? I may be an ass for not “letting him” come back over but it’s like..for what? everything is over now you’re blaming me for not spending time with them…

And it annoys me also that he feels like her happiness and shit is his responsibility bc SHE chose to only have 1 kid and SHE chose to not remarry, have a boyfriend, anything. I even told him they could’ve had dinner the day BEFORE thanksgiving and been with my family day of. but it’s like it’s a non-negotiable that he will have dinner with her Thankdgiving DAY. I will not, in the future, be leaving my family and take our 4 month old baby, after 3 hours with family I RARELY see, to eat with his mother next year. The woman we will be living BEHIND. Since we’re doing non-negotiable, THATS mine. bc that’s not fair especially bc we see his side day after thanksgiving ALL day .

Thoughts???