October 31 2025

So Im not crying anymore, and I think I known my question more, its not am I real its am I real to you, I think the answer is no. You cant handle me. At all me best my let alone my worst, you cant support me as a friend. I wanted you to be my best friend. I guess not. Iv got to much and ur plate is full, you've decided, im not a important to you. I think im going to your best friend though. I'll do my best for when you need me. But that's back to square one for me.

My mother didn't find her best friend till she was in her late 30's so if I make that far things won't be so bad. I hate it cuz I want you all to be with me when I do stuff that's new or fun or monumental to me, one of you is a child I can't do that to her, one of you I think I did dirty, and you...you're a liar, we aren't best friends, but that's OK I should have seen that coming I should have known, things aren't going to work out for me. Weather it's killing my self or someone dose it for me. I want to make sure that everythings ok with everyone else before.

Im so stupid with this "best friend" bullshit. I should have known, pretty people first doesn't matter the field. And I'm not mad at her for what you decided. But I'm not worth the podium. I wanted to give it a second chance I was going to ask a third time but I cant chase you, that's no way to move about this world. I'll be your friend that's what im good at.

I cant talk, like I can't say this to anybody. What's the purpose I have already made a fool of myself I told a secret and I cant live it down in my own head. Volunteer info like and idiot. What is there left to say. Iv lost again.

That book I read, "if i go will it be better for them" please like anyone cares enough about you to look for you. A favor like hell, now they have to gt rid all this chick's shit. I'll clean out before I go. I dont know how to speak anymore, for others sure but for me no never im fine its fine, nothings wrong, no that didn't bother me. Oh I got you its ok. Everyones hiding something. Im hiding everything. Im hiding form them right now.

It's funny I'm a joke and you laughed at me, my fault again I should have known.

The way she wanted to die, is how I'd like to go. Use me till I cant be used anymore more like the silent tool iv always been and kill me.

Im to much for this place. Mother you have one last chance I see why you wanted to focus on her, levi I cant be your brother I dont know how to be that. Judith I'm sorry I'm such a shit sister to you if truly do wish I was better to you. Jayden Im sorry I'm to much for you I'm sorry iv only made things worse for you. I'll do my best to get out of your hair the best I can. It's ok if what to be with them more I get it. Delilah, you at so smart and you have good things going for you I know it. Melanie, I wish we got closer, but I think your in good hands jayden and Delilah are going to better to you, be for them what I can't.

To all the people I go to church with god yall suck a lot and the sad thing is you dont have to. The fact that this is my braking point is sad I want do end it Because I have no friends. I want people to see me and see the things I do and say and think "shes trying, maby ill do something for her" "let's surprise her" I dont think that day will come. Iv been sitting here almost 2 hours thinking about if they'll try and find me, they won't. Im a cliche, shes a depressed fat girl attention seeking, what's new.

I think I did this vary thing when I was like 6 except that time I had a friend and I couldn't take a minute without jasmines attention. And in comparison to everyone else this is nothing. No rape, no abuse not really, no excessive bullying, its just me and my dramatic ass for the past 20 years.

And its selfish but it can only be good for yall. All the money from Eric will do to levi probably how he'd what it in the first place, and you can have the family you want. Mother you won't be spending money on anymore adult dependent. Judith ill be out of your hair forever. And the people at work won't have to be around such bad vibes any more Jayden Delilah and Melanie i won't be around to bother you with what I think. Yall will figure out how to hang out now that Melanie can drive so its fine.

Alright I'm ready. Someone find me take me. Marry me, then if its ok with you ill take one to head, or however you'd like to kill me. Thanks.