I fell in love with my co-worker and now I don’t know what to do.

I’ve never posted on Reddit before, but I’ve seen people receive some genuinely helpful advice on here so I thought maybe someone out there would be able to give me some advice or much needed perspective on how to proceed. So here goes.

I (36F) started working at a local pharmacy near where I live about 9 months ago. It’s my first time working retail, or any sort of store environment, since most of my previous work had been freelancing, but those jobs dried up after the pandemic and I needed something more stable so I got this job. I absolutely love it; the pay is decent enough that I am able to meet my basic needs, the job itself isn’t too demanding, the co workers are great and the boss is without a doubt the best boss I have ever had. But the thing I love the most is Emma, (not her real name, obviously)(35F). I developed a bit of a crush on Emma after about a month or two of working together, but the more I got to know her, the more the feelings grew until now I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am in love with her. After six months or so of pining, I started noticing that someone else at work (a co worker who I will call Jay) was seemingly showing interest in her. Like, he would linger at the wherever she was and talk to her after his shifts, wait around after closing time for her to finish closing out the cash register; and I even witnessed him giving her a little Baby Yoda figurine one day (she’s a huge Star Wars fan). Stuff like that. One day I was restocking shelves when I see her standing around, which was weird because I knew it was her lunch break and she usually isolates herself for lunch. I asked her what she was up to and she said she was just waiting (weird, I thought, but then thought nothing more of it and continued restocking). Then I see her walk out the door with Jay, to what looked like a lunch date and my heart shattered. Needless to say I was a mess, in tears while continuing to restock shelves. I was an even bigger mess when I saw them walk back in an hour later, and listened to a bit of their conversation as they clocked in while I clocked out for my own break. I didn’t have lunch that day. Instead I got in my car and cried my eyes out until I fell asleep. I woke up feeling numb and spent the rest of my shift just going through the motions. My co-worker, JD (M25), who was the only one at work who knew about my crush, (telling him turned out to be a huge mistake but that’s another story for another time) did me a solid and asked Emma what was going on with Jay while I, unbeknownst to him and everyone else at work, was completely falling apart in my car. She told him that she and Jay had been texting a lot, would occasionally have lunch together and that she was hopeful that he would ask her out on an official date. I asked her myself later that evening if she liked him and she responded by shaking her hand in a “so-so” gesture. I resolved to confess my feelings, if anything to just rip the band aid off and get the rejection over with so I could begin the process of moving on. So that’s what I did as we were closing up that very same workday. She very kindly, and politely, rejected me, as I knew she would and I thought that would be that. I’d take some time to grieve and then move on. But I haven’t been able to move on. Jay never asked her out and their texting and hangouts kind of fizzled out after about a month or so, from what I could gather. Now I feel like I’m in limbo. I don’t know if she still likes Jay. I don’t know if he likes her, or if he ever did. I still see them being friendly and stuff and he still on occasion hangs back at closing time to wait for her. Part of me wants them to just get it over with and get together, put me out of my misery once and for all, but another part of me is dreading the day when that happens. I should probably mention that Jay is not a bad guy. He’s actually a really good, solid dude. I was obviously feeling resentful towards him but resentment doesn’t sit well with me so I decided, for my sanity, and in order to keep the peace at work, that it would be healthier for me to strike up a friendship with him cos I thought if they were gonna be together I might as well make peace with it, and he and I actually became good friends. I can see why she likes/liked him (again I don’t know where they stand as of writing this). The only thing that I know for sure is that I don’t want to feel this way. I want to be over it but I don’t know what to do. My friends say “if she doesn’t want you then fuck her” but it’s not that simple for me. I love absolutely everything about her. I love her on her good days and I love her on her bad days. I love those little sing-song noises she makes when she’s in a good mood, and how she rolls her eyes when customers are being annoying (which is pretty often lol). I love that she doesn’t give a f*ck what anyone thinks of her and is unapologetically herself no matter what. So, no, flipping her off and saying “fuck you” in my head isn’t going to work for me. Because she’s not a bitch. She’s never been mean or cruel. We have a good friendship/rapport (so much so that I have to keep reminding myself that she rejected me to keep myself from hoping for more). What I need is practical advice on how to move on. (All I get from my friend is lukewarm “that sucks” or “it’ll pass” responses.) Or maybe some perspective? Maybe something I haven’t considered that might help me to move on? I don’t know. I just need help.