I didn't consider my senior dog enough and robbed him of a gentle end.

I lost my dog recently and the guilt is destroying me. What hurts the most is knowing that I didn't have to move at all. I could have stayed right where we were. We had a comfortable routine, a neighborhood he knew, the same park, the same park friends, and a life that felt safe and steady for him. He was an older dog with IVDD and I should have protected that stability.

Instead I made a major life decision that I thought was about growth and improvement, and I convinced myself he would be fine. I thought I had overthought everything, but somehow I left him out of the core calculation. I knew he was aging and a little wobbly at times, but I never sat down and asked what was actually best for him. Looking back, it feels so obvious that a long trip and a big change were risky. A 5-day, 30-hour road trip isn't something I should have put him through.

When he got worse on the road and then declined afterward, immobile from Wobbler's Syndrome, it hit me that I had ignored how fragile he really was. Now I replay everything and know that if I had just stayed put, he could have lived out his time with the comfort, routine, and environment he loved. He might have had more time, but even if he didn't, he and I could have both been in a place that felt like home with a good support network. His last month wouldn't have been so stressful.

I miss him every moment and would give anything to go back and choose differently. I promise I loved you, sweet boy. Even though I know I made such a selfish decision. I'll never forgive myself.