This is me respecting you and not reaching out.

Hi, I’m worried. I never know if anything I’m doing is the right thing and I wish we could just talk and just be. But right now things are happening and I’m insanely anxious and I’m worried for the both of us.

As anxious as I am, I’m trying to keep calm and level headed. I’m doing my best to respect your boundaries. I am not doing so with a goal in mind, but I do hope you are be able to see that I understand your need for distance and how we have both played a role in creating said distance.

I also want to apologize for every time I have done something to hurt you. Both knowingly and unknowingly. I care about you. I don’t want to hurt you. Ever. And knowing I have numerous times eats at me. I wish I could go back and tell you yes every time I’ve said no (I wanted to, but couldn’t), tell you how much I missed you, tell you that I want to stay. That more than anything, I’m terrified of losing you again.

Did I lose you for good? Should I just let you go? I’m just not sure of anything anymore with the exception of feeling like a giant turd.